10 ways to handle a cold and distant spouse. Hey, welcome to today’s relationship coaching session. Let me start off by saying, if you are in a situation in which you are in a relationship with somebody who’s being cold and distant, I empathise with you, it is not an easy situation. I know it’s not an easy circumstance. And if you particularly are an individual who requires open lines of communication, and a little bit more attention, and a feeling that your partner is involved in your day to day life, this can be a very difficult situation for you.
So I want to be able to provide you with some steps that you can take in order to deal with your cold and distant spouse, and be able to form confidence in yourself to be able to handle the situation. So without further ado, let’s go straight to the steps;
Give Your Partner Some Space
My first piece of advice for you, give your partner some space. I know this may seem counterintuitive, but giving your partner space, gives you time to step back and reflect, and ask necessary questions that you may not have asked yourself just yet. So for example, has my partner always been cold and distant? Is this a new development? Is this something that is out of character for my partner?
In doing this, it allows you to get an outside perspective on your relationship so that you can better understand and approach your partner in order to try to fix the situation.
Don’t Over-pursuit them
My second piece of advice, drop the pursuit. We have a tendency to increase our pursuit of somebody when we feel like they are pulling away. But in reality, all this is really doing is pushing your partner further away, because they probably feel suffocated, or like you aren’t giving them the space that they require in order for them to deal with whatever it is that they are going through.
Don’t Take It Personally
Now I know this can be extremely difficult when you are in a relationship with somebody and you are in love with somebody, it’s hard not to take these things personally, it’s hard not to feel like maybe you’re at fault for what is going on. But do your best to not take it personally. Probably privacy and space are required in this situation. To be honest with you, 9 times out of 10 may not even be something that you did, but something that your partner is dealing with, and just has not had the ability to communicate with you exactly what that is.
Express yourself to your partner, just talk to them. If you feel like your spouse, or your partner is distant and non-communicative, not communicating with them will not help the situation. If anything, it will actually just make the situation worse. I understand that if you are in a relationship with somebody who’s distant and cold, it’s hard to strike up a conversation, it’s hard to find the motivation to want to talk because it’s likely that in the past, those types of conversations have led to some form of rejection, some form of your partner not really paying attention or not focusing, And probably made you feel insecure, or that your partner doesn’t really care what you have to say.
But I’m here to tell you just talk and may be difficult at first. There may be some road bumps along the way. But again, where most people make the mistake is that they want to communicate about the lack of communication that will not help the situation.
Pursue your interests.
In the action of pursuing your own interests, you start to reconnect with yourself, you start to figure out the things that you were missing in the relationship and regards to things that make you happy that fulfil you. If you are in a relationship with somebody who is distant and somebody who is cold. A lot of the time what ends up happening is that we empty our emotional tank trying to fill up our personality, our partner’s tank
it’s time for you to refill your own tank and in doing this, you actually become more confident you become happier and That is an attractive quality, that is something that will catch the attention of your partner.
Be The Change
Step number six Be the change. Now, I know this can be a little frustrating to hear, because you probably feel like you are the person who has been investing the most time and you have been accommodating your partner, and you’ve been doing everything that you possibly can to get your partner to pay attention to not be cold to not be distant.
What I mean by lead by example, is to take control of your own personal happiness. Take control of the situation, have random conversations with your partner, you know, makeup ideas of things that you guys can do together and share together. And it’s very possible that your partner may not reciprocate or may not be completely open to these things. But by you making that change and you shift your perspective a little bit and the way that you do things within the relationship. That is what I mean by leading by example because what will end up happening is that your partner will take notice, and hopefully will follow suit.
Find something To connect Both of You
Find a connection. Find some kind of commonality that you can share with your partner. Now, it may be necessary, it may not necessarily be something that you like in particular, but it allows you to connect with your partner in something that he or she is interested in.
So let’s say, for example, your partner is a big gamer, and they like to play video games, and they spend countless hours doing that. Not necessarily an ideal situation. However, if you don’t like video games, my suggestion to you is, is try to spend time with your partner playing video games. What that does is that makes your partner feel like you are sharing an interest within that you’re understanding the things that make them happy. And in doing that, that will help to close that distance and bring you guys a little bit closer together because you guys are sharing in a hobby and an interest, you guys are forming memories, you guys are bonding over something. So just give that a try.
I know this can be very difficult as well. But the last thing that you want to do is retaliate. What it will actually do is have the negative effect that you do not want. So for example, if your partner is being cold and distant, and you retaliate by being cold and distant. What do you think the result is going to be? What is the resolution? It’s basically two individuals within a relationship, who are not really in a relationship, or the relationship is a two-way street. And understandably, right now, it feels like you’re the only person who is partaking in this relationship. But if you retaliate, it will only make the situation worse.
Small Acts of Kindness Matter
Small acts of kindness can go a long way in your relationship. And I know this can be difficult as well because you feel like well, you know, my partner doesn’t do these types of things with me, or he or she doesn’t, you know, do small little genuine acts. But at the end of the day, what we are trying to achieve here is to close the distance between you and your partner. And to try to form a stronger relationship, a stronger bond between you two so that your partner is not cold and distant.
So by doing these small little gestures of maybe plugging their phone and when it’s almost dead and they don’t realise it, or, you know, taking the dog out for a walk in the morning when it’s your partner’s responsibility to take them out in the morning. All these little acts of kindness, show your partner that you are still invested that you still care and hopefully, they take notice of this and start to reciprocate the same thing.
This I can tell you, is not as easy as it looks, and I understand it can be very difficult to practice patience in this situation. But I guarantee you if you do not practice patience, it will only end in a negative outcome. Remember, this is a marathon it is not a sprint. If your partner is cold this isn’t something that’s just going to change overnight. This is something that is going to take time. So be patient with yourself. Be patient with your partner, and things will come around.
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