Regaining Trust In a Relationship
How to rebuild trust in a relationship. Hey guys, welcome to today’s relationship coach session. Today we were talking about trust and how to rebuild it in a relationship. First and foremost, if you are in a position or a situation in which you feel like you have lost trust in your partner, I empathise with you, it is not an easy place to be. It has a tendency of feeding into insecurities, you have a tendency of potentially blaming yourself for feeling bad building, it can be a really bad dark place to be in.
I get it, it’s difficult to try to manage and navigate those feelings and those emotions when you want to still be in the relationship with that person. So the question becomes, how do you rebuild the trust? How do you get into a position where you feel comfortable enough, and vulnerable enough to be able to let that person back in. And there are a few things, obviously, that I wanted to cover in order to really kind of start the process. This is specifically geared towards the individual who broke the trust.
If you’re the individual that broke the trust, one of the primary things that you have to focus on and you have to realise is that consistency is key. Consistency is going to be everything in regards to rebuild rebuilding trust. Why is consistency so important?
If you have lost trust, if your partner has lost trust in you because of your actions, and anything you did, and depends on the severity of the action, right? Was it infidelity, was it that you lied about something, was it that you were hiding something from them for an extended period of time that they didn’t know. Whatever the case may be, you are going to have to show them that you are reliable. And in order to show them that you are reliable, you have to be consistent.
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it is as simple as if you tell your partner you’re going to be home at five o’clock and make sure you are home at five o’clock. If you tell your partner that you are going to go and do something, you go and do that exact same thing and you come home with whatever it is you said you were going to go by, if you tell your partner that you are going to go pick up the kids at school for the next three days, you go and pick up the kids from school for the next three days.
Whatever it is that you have to do, you have to make sure that you were sticking to what you say and the plan and you were being consistent with it for an extended period of time. It’s really just about showing your partner that you can show up for the relationship.
It can be really exhausting, I completely understand because you feel like now you’re having to make up for a mistake that you made. But at the end of the day, if you so choose to remain in the relationship, if you choose to make the relationship work, it is a sacrifice that you are going to have to be willing to make in order to make the relationship work and in order to gain regain the trust of your partner.
Transparency means being completely open, not hold withholding information, answering any questions that your partner may have. And again, just really kind of being transparent with how you’re feeling. Oftentimes, when the trust has been broken, you’re also a human being. And if you’re the person who caused the trust to be broken, you’re going to have days where you’re tired, you’re going to have days where you’re emotionally exhausted, and you’re going to want to just isolate and shut off. But you have to be able to communicate with your partner when you are having those days right transparency.
Because if you’re not your partner is going to think that something weird and shady is going on again, right? Because you’re not communicating, you’re shutting down you’re isolating yourself. And that is the last thing that you want to do. And again, as I mentioned, it kind of falls and piggybacks off of consistency. So communication should be consistent.
Your ability to be transparent should be consistent. And again, you know if there is something going on with you emotionally it’s okay to allow yourself to be vulnerable and to open up and to let your partner know what is going on. Because if you don’t do that, it is going to cause your partner to become more suspicious it will further feed their insecurities. They will become either more upset needier, more clingy, you will feel more suffocated, and just this entire cycle that continues over and over and over again.
3. Actions are Better Than Words
I know you have come across this popular phrase, actions over words, right. I hear this all the time from people, “you know, well I told her that I was going to do this”, or “I promised that I was going to do this I promised that I was going to do this for him”.
Your words mean nothing right now, it’s only your actions. Because your words in a sense are really kind of what led you to this situation right? Maybe you weren’t speaking enough maybe you weren’t being honest in the way that you were saying things maybe you were withholding information. Maybe you were you know communicating but you weren’t communicating effectively or maybe you were lying whatever the case may be your words are most likely also what got you in this situation, let alone your actions whatever it is you did and fidelity lying it’s you know, withholding For me, whatever the case may be, whatever caused the trust to be broken in the relationship, it is going to take you stepping up to the plate, showing up for the relationship and showing your partner that you are willing to actively make the changes.
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And how you show them through your actions, again, is through being consistent, and is through being transparent. So if you’re telling your partner that you’re going to do something, follow through with it, you know, if you’re telling your partner that you’re actively going to go to therapy, to try to work through some of your traumas, go to therapy, make sure that you’re scheduling that out, doing whatever you have to do to actually show your partner that you’re sorry, and that you’re committed to the process and that you are taking accountability for your actions.
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